So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
