According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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