he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
