i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
