I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
