i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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