halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
