I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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