you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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