Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
