Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
