Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
