Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i love accidental penises.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
