so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
