yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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