Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
