Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
