so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
