mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
