hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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