I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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