Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
