a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
