3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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