Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
