Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
