My room smells like vodka and shame
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
