Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
