thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
