I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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