can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
