help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
