there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She bit a glass in half.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
