Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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