I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
