I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
