Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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