how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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