he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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