I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
