i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize