Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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