youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
In America we eat man semen.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.