Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love