I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
