i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.