Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i believe in u and ur pee