I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
