My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
