Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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