Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
