i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize