the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
