I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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