dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
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Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
this hospital has no fireball
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich