I hate your face
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.