Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
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So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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