well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...