I accidentally had phone sex last night
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.