Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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