Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You ruined the universe
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
