He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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