I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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