so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
