in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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