im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
