M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
