do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
