I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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