The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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