I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
is wine microwaveable?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
