??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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