Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Found the puke drawer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
