At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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