He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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