He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
