apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
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2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running