...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.