I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night