when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
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In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3