This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
