I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
