Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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