guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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