why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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