the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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