with your own penis?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
