I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
