I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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