Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
