in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
