I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I understand Curling. That high.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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