he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
